5 DC Characters Deserving of Their Own Film.

In recent years, Marvel comics have been kicking total ass in the film world. Most of the X-Men and Spider-Man movies have been pretty good, but they've all been under different studios, so the quality of most Marvel properties have been highly variable. The recent creation of Marvel Studios has allowed for less popular characters like Iron Man and Hulk to theaters in a more quality-assured structure, being overseen more directly by the publisher. Since these characters are under one studio, crossover is possible, just like in the comics. We've seen Tony Stark in the Hulk movie, Nick Fury in the Iron Man film, and soon Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and Hulk will be appearing together in an Avengers movie. It's a great time to be a Marvel fan, so long as you aren't actually reading the comics, which are pretty poor right now.

But what about DC? They've got just as massive a roster of heroes worthy of cinema, plus the ownership of media powerhouse Warner Brothers to help realize a rich intertwining film universe. It seems obvious, yet we've seen nothing but two Batmen and a half-assed Superman film in the last decade, plus a couple of out-of-universe projects like Watchmen.

The future's looking brighter for DC heroes, but not by much. Green Lantern begins filming very shortly, another Superman has been announced, a Flash movie is rumored, Wonder Woman has been on and off for the last 10 years, and another Batman movie is inevitable. Still, there are a lot of smaller names in the family that won't see recognition for a long time. Let's get to the part where I list them, shall we?

The Final Glass Ceiling

Women have made considerable gains in the last fifty years, but there is no question that this is still a male-dominated society. Geraldine Ferraro and Sarah Palin have both been nominated vice president, Hillary Clinton nearly gained the presidential nomination last election, and we currently have a female Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Still, politics is almost entirely a man's game in the U.S. As male-dominated as the world of politics is, however, there is one area in America that is even harsher to women. I'm talking of course about cereal mascots.

A hypothetical conversation with Michael Cera

I like Michael Cera. Pretty much any actor who starred or even featured in Arrested Development gets a lifetime pass from me. I don't care if he seemingly plays the same character in every movie he's in, I like the character. Hell, I wouldn't care if he literally played the same character in every movie. George Michael Bluth, wearing the Bluth's Banana Stand uniform in Superbad, Juno and what all else. Tell me that wouldn't be great. He'd be some kind of inter-dimensional traveller, only all of the dimensions would be really similar.

So, today I was thinking, "what if I ran into Mr. Cera some day?" What would I say to him? Would I compliment him on his work? Discuss how great "Scott Pilgrim" is? No and no. I would spend the entire conversation greeting him with a string of long and increasingly ridiculous puns on his name, not letting him get a single word in, then I'd say goodbye. Maybe I'd shake his hand the entire time, not letting go. Maybe not. Anyway, here's what I've come up with so far:

5 Nintendo franchises that deserve more love

I'm not as big into video games as I used to be, but I still like to play them when I can, and I try to keep on top of what's new even if I can't afford it. I was raised on Nintendo, and as such have had a massive bias toward their products and properties. Mario, Zelda, Pokemon and others are consistently some of the finest series. Nothing approaches their longevity.

This was the last one really worth playing and you know it, fanboy.

Still, with so many brilliant franchises, there are plenty of more or less equally brilliant games that have been forgotten in Nintendo's 30-year history. Let's finish this introduction and start naming them.

Ode to Stu Pickles, the greatest dad in television.

Stu Pickles, what a guy. Seriously. You want to know how to be an awesome father? Look no further than Stu.

Let's look at the facts:

• Stu Pickles takes an active role in raising his son. He works from home so he can be there for Tommy, while still making plenty of money.
• Just what is his job? He makes toys in his basement. His kids get to grow up in a toy factory. Sure, it led to one of the more horrifying "Rugrats" episodes where it nearly decapitated Chuckie, but as far as Dadjobs go, Toymaker is pretty darn cool.
• He called himself an "inventor," though. I wanted to be an "inventor" when I was little. Thanks for the inspiration, Stu! It didn't go anywhere. Turns out Ball State doesn't offer a "make an assembly line in your basement" degree, or even a single class.
• Stu never forgot how to be a kid. Even though he's a grown man with an infant son, he still watched the weather report whenever it snowed to see if school was cancelled, and ran through the kitchen cheering whenever it was. Seeing as I'm currently wearing a "Doug" T-shirt, own three Mr. Potato Heads, and am writing about a character from "Rugrats," I think the influence of his "grow up, but don't grow old" attitude is evident.
  

Breaking down the trailer to Toy Story 3

I was going to embed this, but mean old Disney won't let me.

Sheeeee-it, you guys, are you excited? I'm excited. Above is the latest trailer to Toy Story 3. I've watched it about a dozen times since it was released earlier today, and I've noticed a few things I think are worth mentioning. So click that link, pull that sucker up in another window, and follow along as I point out some bits of interest at various times in the trailer.

Pancakes I want to try to make some time or another.

I love pancakes, so very dearly. Breakfast foods in general are the best. They're all nice and fatty, carb-y, sweet, ultra-filling, and go good with coffee.

If things go well I'll have my own kitchen next year and will have the ability to make pancakes as often as I so desire, which will be a lot.

Plain pancakes are amazing, but there are really a lot you can do with them. I've had the basics - blueberry, pecan, banana, chocolate chip, butterscotch and other common toppings, but since the base is such a blank canvas the possibilities are endless. These are a few I want to make some time in the future:

Maple Bacon Pancakes - Take the pancake batter and add chopped bacon, brown sugar, and maple syrup straight into the batter, with more syrup on top.
Maple and bacon go fantastically together, and the combination is showing up all over in modern cuisine. You can get it in a latte in San Francisco and on a donut in Portland, and I want to try it in pancake form.

Pineapple Ham Pancakes - Plain pancake batter with finely-chopped pineapples mixed in. Served with a deli slice of ham between each cake, and topped with either maple syrup or maybe some kind of sweet and sour sauce.
This is another classic bizarre taste combination, a personal favorite for pizza and toasted sandwiches. I want it to work on pancakes. I will make it work on pancakes.

Mango Habanero Pancakes - Maybe it's just pancakes with a mango habanero sauce, or maybe it's pancakes with habanero and mango right in the batter, but it'd be spicy and wonderful

S'More Pancakes - Load the batter with honey and cinnamon or whatever else they make graham crackers from, plus some tiny marshmallows. Place bits of chocolate bar in between cakes while they're still hot. Dammit I'm getting hungry and this sounds amazing right now.

Orange and Cream Pancakes - Mix orange zest in with the batter, top with tons of whipped cream. Straightforward.

This article is falling apart, I know. Really I just started thinking about the delicious unhealthy bacon possibilities and decided to run with it because I couldn't find a suitable picture of Pepper Ann's mom for the article I wanted to write tonight.

Still, while I have your attention, I'd like to share a bit about a small project I have in mind Last week a few webcomic creators were asked to make hourly drawings of what they were up to that day all day. Those can be found here.

This got me thinking, "hey, I think I'm important, I like to draw, and things happen to me sometimes during a day." So I'm going to give this a try. Let's say... Wednesday. I'm awake the longest that day and the most happens. I'm going to get a few index cards, a reliable pencil, and scribble out silly things for a day to show you guys. It'll be fun, for me at least. You'll just have to watch.

Just in case...

Something's up with either my microwave or my eyes. At 12:03, I swear the numbers were dancing. The "12:" would jerk upwards while the "03" went down. It was twitchy, almost unnoticeable, and stopped at 12:04. Nothing else in the room seemed to move oddly, so I'm assuming it wasn't my eyes messing up.

I stared at my microwave, and have been staring since. I've got my Venture Bros. Season 2 DVD on, and not even the antics of Henchmen 21 & 24 can divert my attention.

Not tonight, boys. Sorry

I saw the clock change from 12:06 to 12:07 and it startled me. That's totally normal microwave behavior, I know, but still. I'm unnerved by 12:03.

Also, the massive amounts of snow on the roof are making the lights sputter and blink off every now and then.

Frankly, I'm spooked as shit, and I know my microwave's up to something. If I'm missing in the morning, and not on the way to Tennessee, I blame the microwave. It did something to me. Check inside. Check the buttons, make sure they all read as they should, and a picture of my terror-stricken face has not replaced the "popcorn" setting.

I kind of want to unplug it now.

The 1st Annual Academy Awards Predictions Blog Post

It's been said dozens of times before, but award shows are bollocks. Most are just the entertainment industry patting itself on the back whilst beautiful people show off their latest designer gowns, designer spouses and half-assed activist pet projects. There are maybe three or four even remotely notable, those being the Emmys (even though television is a dying medium and has less worth celebrating every year), the Grammys (even though they're always five years behind the latest developments in music), the Tonys (even though nobody outside of New York has ever seen the nominees) and the Academy Awards. I'm here to talk about the latter.

With nominations just released today, I thought it would be totally rad and not at all cliche to dedicate a post to my predictions. I'll stick to a familiar "will win, should win" format, with "shouldn't win"s wherever appropriate or wherever James Cameron is nominated. Let's go!

Musings on the importance of Twitter.

 Over Thanksgiving, I had the lovely task of explaining the concept of Twitter to my relatives. I doubt I did a very good job at it, but I covered some of my favorite things about the site. I explained its importance as a news source, as was seen in Iran this summer, as well as the glory of keeping up with Neil Patrick Harris, Pee-Wee Herman and THE_REAL_SHAQ. Twitter also provides a lot of really entertaining original material as well. Fake AP Stylebook is a must-read for any journalist or grammar nerd, shhdontellsteve is a humorous study of an oblivious douchey roommate, and DRUNKHULK is Hulk, but drunk.

One thing I don't quite get about Twitter is the follower/following count fascination. Celebrities evidently brag about having more accounts read them than they read. I myself have a relatively unimpressive follower count, and that's to be expected since I'm not particularly famous or clever. Of course, just because I don't quite understand the fascination, doesn't mean I don't concern myself with these things.

Recently I've noticed that Twitter has a lot of advertising accounts generated by corporations. If you happen to mention their product, somehow they find you and follow you. I've managed to get a VW dealership from New Jersey to follow me by saying "VW," not in reference to the car, and Gillette started following me after I shared a story of cutting myself shaving.

So, my mission for the next month is to see how many of these junk advertising accounts I can get to follow me, and see how long they keep following me (the VW guy stopped after a couple of days). What I intend to do is just tweet strings of brand names and see which ones stick. I'll keep semiregular updates here.

So, sorry, followers, most of my tweets over the next few weeks will be really annoying. Check back by March 1 at the latest.

MLIOK

Today, my old man gave me a carton of cigarettes for Christmas. He grabbed me and said "Hey, smoke up, Johnny." MLIBC

Today, my best friend Hank kept calling me Bill. My name is Lenore. MLIKOTH

Today, I had to go to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to cover some lame local feature story for my TV station. I spent the day trying to get to know my producer better. MLIGD

The OK Mission Statement

 The Swedish have a word that is abscent in English, "lagom." "Lagom" means "just right," "not too much." It's a wonderful concept. The Swedes don't try too hard, show off, or collect too much wealth or excess. They just get by on being good enough.

 The closest approximation I see in English is "OK." I Like "OK." I think we could use some more "OK" in general. I named my blog "OK" because I like the concept so much.

 Everything is OK. We all like to use hyperbole, to declare things the best or worst ever, to gush and rant, but frankly most things are just OK. Most Dreamworks cartoonss aren't horrible and Ramones are good mostly for nosalgic and sentimental reasons. There are one or two good movies every year, a few more bad, but most of them just amuse and take up a couple hours out of our day.

 With that in mind, it's my intention to shift the content of this blog to make it more "OK." This will be the champion of the average, a center for all things pretty good. It'll be like My Life Is Average, except all the content is generated by me and the things will actually be average.

 OK?

 OK.

There is nothing in this room I could use to kill a zombie.

Not Pictured: Adequate weaponry, that Grindhouse poster that fell over Thanksgiving

How did I not notice this sooner? This is serious, there are no good bludgeoning devices in my room. Let's take inventory, shall we, of what I could possibly use to attack a zombie?

• Glass bottles - They're handy and plentiful, but would they really do the job here? They're small, so I'd have to get in close to get a hit, and they'd just break on their heads. No good.
• "Guitar Hero" peripherals - Big enough for a decent range, but again too fragile for a good hit. Real guitars would splinter, what good would a small plastic one do?
• Silverware knife - This would most likely break zombie flesh, but again I'd have to get really close to it.
• Textbooks - Hefty, easy to carry, and overly abundant. At least I could fuck up their face, if not destroy the brain. A blind zombie with no sense of smell is better than nothing.
• Desk chair - If it were wooden, I could snap a leg off for a good bludgeoning device, but the plastic contraption Park hall provided me is good for comfort and not much else.
• Trash bin - It's fairly sturdy, I suppose, and as comical as it sounds, I'd imagine pulling one over their head would buy you a bit of time.
• Desk - There are a few boards I could take out with enough effort and disregard for property, and I suppose they'd be useful. This may be my best bet.
• Doc Marten's - My boots are all about ass-kicking, but they're a little worn and I'm too out of shape to kick an adult in the head anymore. Too risky.
• Fists - Even riskier. I don't have my boxing gloves with me (although you can't hit that hard with them on anyway), and there's no way I'm getting a bare hand near a zombie smile.
• Roommate's laptop - What? I'm not going to risk damaging mine. Besides, his is bigger.
• Roommate - Not really a weapon, more of a diversion, but hey, whatever works. All's fair in love and zombies (which, from what I've observed are just about equally likely to happen).

So you see, my options are a bit limited here. I honestly don't know what I'd equip myself with, offensively. Most likely, I'd have to make a mad dash to the next building over, Woodworth dining hall, where I'd yank a heavy-duty frying pan and bigass chef's knife. Kitchen supplies are deadly. Sporting equipment is too, so you bat-, stick- and paddle-based athletes are in good shape.

Defenses are easier. All you really need to know is layers. A lot of shirts, long sleeves, sturdy gloves, and as little bare flesh as possible. Why? Bite yourself. You have to bite really hard to break flesh. Now try it through a few layers of cotton. It's not perfect, but it'll help.

Thankfully, the zombie apocalypse is a few years away from now, so I'll most likely be living in a better-equipped apartment by then.

Five animals, etc. that still need to be made into Pokemon

All Pokemon news sources have been reporting that a Fifth Generation of the games is likely on the way. To quote my friend Everyone, "Ugh, really? I don't see how that could work... Really? No." But who cares what that guy thinks? I'm excited. More monsters to collect is a nice thing, even if 90% of them will inevitably suck.

Still, I understand the concern people have over this. With 493 Pokemon already scurrying about PokEarth's various regions, there's not a lot of ground left to cover, is there? Perhaps, but I do think there are a few animals, plants, mineral and whatever left un-Pokefied. Namely, these:

Bwah!

Hank Hill stepped out the front door to get his morning paper. As he's walking back, he glances at something strange in the corner of his eye. He turns to find a sight of utter horror: Kahn and Minh Souphanousinphone have become horse people!

They look the same from the torso up, save for long, pointy ears, but their lower bodies have been replaced by a horse's hind legs. They aren't wearing pants, and their tails are whipping around as they stomp in a circle, leaving hoofprints in their lawn. Words fail Hank, but Kahn explains that this is the newest thing in genetic fashion and that he is hillbilly redneck for not getting horse genes implanted. Hank just stares, then walks back inside.

Then I woke up.

Super Mario '84: The Players - The Koopa Troop

Last week, I examined the corruption and hidden motives of Princess Toadstool and company, and, as promised, I'm going to take a look at the rogue military faction that's been running an unsuccessful coup for the past 25 years. I was going to feature Bowser like I had Mario and Peach, but there's really nothing to say about him that hasn't been said in the last article. Instead I'm going to take a look at a few smaller players in the Koopa Troop.

The Koopa Troop

The main force behind Bowser's army actually seems to have a military-like chain of command, with ranks represented by advances in weaponry and bodily modifications. Regular Koopa Troopas are like privates, the basic foot soldier. Koopa Paratroopas are the next rank up, and have wings grafted onto them to show their heightened ability and position. The Hammer Bros. (or Boomerang, Fire and Ice Bros. depending on region) would be next, still primarily fighting directly on the battlefield, but supplied with better weaponry (as in any weaponry at all) and possessing superior skills. Lakitu would be the colonels, I suppose, mostly commanding a battalion of Spinys and keeping away from the fray in their clouds. The generals of Bowser's Koopa Troop would have to be the Magikoopas. Their skills in magic allow them to escape the battle whenever they're endangered, and they even serve as advisors to the Koopa King, most specifically Kamek, who is likely Bowser's second-in-command. There are fluctuations among the ranks depending on shell color and size, but for the most part this appears to be the basic structure of the Koopa Hierarchy.

Tim Curry does the Rock, I do the Blog.

This started playing on the radio at Penny Lane, Evansville's only non-Starbuck's coffee shop, earlier this evening. I had heard it years ago, but forgotten about it until just now. Don't ask me why this of all things was playing, but thank God for it.

Super Mario '84: The Players - Mushroom Kingdom

Henceforth any and all postings about the corrupt rules of Princess Peach and King Bowser shall referred under the label "Super Mario '84," as in "Super Mario 64" and "1984." Isn't that clever and semi-ill-fitting? Focus on the Eurasia/Eastasia part and it sort of works... Anyway, trailing off.

I'd like to take some time to discuss the key players and their motives in this phony war. Today I'll be focusing on Peach's Mushroom Kingdom. Sometime next week I'll go into detail on Bowser and the Koopa Kingdom's side of the gold coin.

Princess Peach: The Oppressive Minority Ruler

We'll start with the top of the chain of command and move down, as the Princess' motives and methods are most clear. It is not often that the games offer a peek at the actual cities and towns of the Mushroom Kingdom, but when they do we see that one thing is very clear: the general populace is almost entirely Toads. In fact, Peach, Mario and Luigi are the only permanent human residents of the Kingdom. How a human came to rule a nation of mushroom men is questionable; it reeks of colonization. Certainly the Toads would be best off being lead by one of their own, and they probably are aware of this. Still, the constant threat of Bowser and a Koopa takeover keep them from ever questioning her Majesty. Peach and Mario are the only people keeping them from singing the Koopa national anthem, so they live with her oppression and fight for her safety in a fabricated conflict out of fear. Peach meanwhile sits safely in her castle most of the time until Bowser comes to "kidnap" her, where she has her own room set up in his place as well. It's all an act for the sake of keeping the fear alive.

Who's That (Terrible) Pokemon?

A while ago I went on a long ramble about who the greatest Pokemon are. Initially I was going to include monsters from all games, but after the first three were from the same generation, I just said screw it and made it a Gold and Silver list. It got me thinking about the five best Pokemon from the other games, and then on a much more interesting subject. I bring you:

The Five Worst Pokemon from Gold and Silver

5. Politoed

Remember the Poliwag family from Red and Blue? Those were great Pokemon. They're simple, they're adorable, and they've got a unique design. What can go wrong with giant tadpoles with gloves? Enter the Frog Pokemon, Politoed. If, for some reason, you didn't want to evolve your Poliwhirl into a Poliwrath in order to boost stats and gain a type while still having a virtually identical Pokemon, Gold and Silver offered this alternative. Politoed adds nothing in battle, has no discernible advantages over its opposite evolutionary branch, and just looks goofy. It's belly swirl has mutated and it's grown a head and phalanges and other vestigial parts. Screw you, Politoed. Nobody wants a frog. Remember the Power Rangers movie? People greet frogs with disappointment. Everything its predecessors had going for them, Politoed threw away for boring scientific accuracy.

My thoughts on 2009, Part Three

Top 4 Most Disappointing Movies of 2009

4. X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Now, it's not like I ever expected a movie about the least-interesting, yet inexplicably popular X-men to be any good, but I had expected something more than this. This was such an empty, careless effort. The story is "Wolverine walks from fight scene to fight scene as decades pass with no consequence" and you can almost taste the apathy from everyone involved. It's like the writer, director and cast all suddenly realized that they were in a movie about Wolverine.

3. 9 - As my previous movie lists have established, small-budget movies make me drool. I wanted "9" to be good, but it isn't. It isn't bad. It isn't anything memorable or notable. It's a sequence of pretty cool action scenes and occasionally-beautiful animation with terrible dialogue and a story that starts nowhere, goes nowhere, and ends nowhere. I felt like I was watching a video game I couldn't play, but would have liked to.

My thoughts on 2009, Part Two

Okay, let's get back to it.

Top 7 Movies of 2009 I Haven't Seen Yet (I Swear There are Only Two or Three More Movie Ones)

7. Fantastic Mr. Fox - Typically I can't stand Wes Anderson films, but I'll admit that the trailers for this one charmed me. Hearing how little actual directing Anderson did only made me more interested in this one.

6. World's Greatest Dad - I love a good dark comedy, and Robin Williams playing the failed author father of a kid who died of autoerotic asphyxiation and then forging a suicide note for him, which becomes famous, forcing him to forge an entire diary to finally find success as a writer sounds like an absolute winner to me.

5. Dead Snow - As Much as I love zombies, I'll admit that I'm growing tired of them. There are only so many things you can do to them, really. However, "undead frozen Nazis thawed out and angry" is something I haven't seen before and very much want to.

My thoughts on 2009, Part One

Initially I was going to do the cliche thing and make a series of "Top -X- -Ys- of '09" lists for music, movies, video games, and what all else, but there are numerous things going against that. I only purchased two new albums this year, and only played three or four new video games worth discussing, so I couldn't pick a uniform number. Also, even if I could, I just don't care enough too. It's a lot of effort naming and ranking things for a list I doubt anybody will actually take too seriously.

Let's try something else instead, a countdown of lists. This way it's unique and interesting and I don't have to do as much work. So here we go:

Cameron's Top 9 "Top n-1" Lists of 2009, and Note That I am Aware That There are a Lot I Have Not Seen/Listened to/Whatever.

Top 9 Movies of 2009

9. District 9 - Impressive visuals and an excellent sci-fi allegory done cheap and done right. The declarations of this "stealing 'Avatar''s thunder" were hyperbolic but understandable.

8. Adventureland - "Superbad" director Greg Mottola has solidified his place as the new John Hughes with this warm and relatable, if not always laugh-out-loud funny comedy.

7. The Hurt Locker - Very few movies have been made on the War on Terror, but this intense depiction of bomb diffusing in Iraq does a lot to fill that void.