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Super Mario '84: The Players - Mushroom Kingdom

Henceforth any and all postings about the corrupt rules of Princess Peach and King Bowser shall referred under the label "Super Mario '84," as in "Super Mario 64" and "1984." Isn't that clever and semi-ill-fitting? Focus on the Eurasia/Eastasia part and it sort of works... Anyway, trailing off.

I'd like to take some time to discuss the key players and their motives in this phony war. Today I'll be focusing on Peach's Mushroom Kingdom. Sometime next week I'll go into detail on Bowser and the Koopa Kingdom's side of the gold coin.

Princess Peach: The Oppressive Minority Ruler

We'll start with the top of the chain of command and move down, as the Princess' motives and methods are most clear. It is not often that the games offer a peek at the actual cities and towns of the Mushroom Kingdom, but when they do we see that one thing is very clear: the general populace is almost entirely Toads. In fact, Peach, Mario and Luigi are the only permanent human residents of the Kingdom. How a human came to rule a nation of mushroom men is questionable; it reeks of colonization. Certainly the Toads would be best off being lead by one of their own, and they probably are aware of this. Still, the constant threat of Bowser and a Koopa takeover keep them from ever questioning her Majesty. Peach and Mario are the only people keeping them from singing the Koopa national anthem, so they live with her oppression and fight for her safety in a fabricated conflict out of fear. Peach meanwhile sits safely in her castle most of the time until Bowser comes to "kidnap" her, where she has her own room set up in his place as well. It's all an act for the sake of keeping the fear alive.

Mario: Insecure, Unstable and Violent


Mario began as a genuine plumber, as seen in the "Mario Bros." arcade game. He and his twin made their living exterminating the turtles, crabs, and bees that lived in the sewer, because that's what plumbers do. His first attempt at actual heroism came in "Donkey Kong," where he attempted to rescue his then-girlfriend Pauline from a giant ape. Somehow news of his actions reached the Princess, who hired Mario as a bodyguard/hitman.
She exploits two of his key weaknesses on a regular basis: his love for stomping turtles and his need for the approval of a woman. Mario just loves crushing things, and he doesn't really care what it is or whether it threatens him, he just loves the feeling of life squishing out from under his boots. He's even developed a point system to turn his murder rampage into a game, multiplying his score if he manages to leap from one crushed Goomba skull onto another. All he expects in return is a kiss on the cheek or a cake from a pretty girl like Princess Peach. He kind of knows there's never going to be anything between them. Even if he is the only man in the kingdom, he's still just a plumber-turned-soldier, and she's royalty. Still, he lets her boss him around because for the most part, he's living his dream. The perks of being on the inside of a corrupt government aren't too bad, either.

The Toads: The Lost Socialist Utopia

What stands out about the toads, more than anything? They all look the same. That isn't a racist statement, it's a fact, and they seem quite proud of it. They all wear matching vests, pants, shoes, and don't often stray too far from a few basic color schemes. Their houses are almost always depicted as identical as well. They're small, but functional living spaces for a small, perfect family. No Toad or Toadette is ever too different from any other, and it seems as though they've kept it that way for a long time. This is purely a hypothesis, mind you (everything else expressed here has solid video game evidence), but I would wager that the Toads were once a perfect Communist utopia, like the Smurfs but with slightly more women. They were a society where everyone was absolutely equal and nobody wanted more. There have always been plenty of coins just lying on the ground of the Kingdom, so the desire of wealth is pointless, and the uniformity of every facet of Toad society implies a very strong sense of community and oneness. For the most part, this seems to have remained once Peach took over.
The only big difference is that now someone twice their size is giving orders and making them worship her. To keep the Toads quiet, Peach has brought some into her inner circle, giving them cushy jobs within the castle as assistants and the like, and even inviting a few to her exclusive Golf games and Go-Kart races. Said games and races are proof that Bowser and Peach are working together, so it's obvious that some of the Toads are aware of the lies their people live under, but they are being paid off well enough to keep quiet about it. A few select Toads betraying their people is all it takes to make Peach's oppression of them perfect.

Those are really the only people you need to know about to understand the Mushroom Kingdom's side of the false conflict. This is also my last post before I go back to Muncie and start classes, so updates will be less frequent, but on a more regular schedule. Let's shoot for one every Monday night, maybe? Yeah. Tune in then to read about Bowser and the Koopa Troop, and what they have to gain in perpetuating the struggle. And what about Luigi? Yoshi? Wario? Daisy? I'll do something on them later. Their part in this is nowhere near as large, but perhaps still noteworthy.

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