Five animals, etc. that still need to be made into Pokemon

All Pokemon news sources have been reporting that a Fifth Generation of the games is likely on the way. To quote my friend Everyone, "Ugh, really? I don't see how that could work... Really? No." But who cares what that guy thinks? I'm excited. More monsters to collect is a nice thing, even if 90% of them will inevitably suck.

Still, I understand the concern people have over this. With 493 Pokemon already scurrying about PokEarth's various regions, there's not a lot of ground left to cover, is there? Perhaps, but I do think there are a few animals, plants, mineral and whatever left un-Pokefied. Namely, these:

Who's That (Terrible) Pokemon?

A while ago I went on a long ramble about who the greatest Pokemon are. Initially I was going to include monsters from all games, but after the first three were from the same generation, I just said screw it and made it a Gold and Silver list. It got me thinking about the five best Pokemon from the other games, and then on a much more interesting subject. I bring you:

The Five Worst Pokemon from Gold and Silver

5. Politoed

Remember the Poliwag family from Red and Blue? Those were great Pokemon. They're simple, they're adorable, and they've got a unique design. What can go wrong with giant tadpoles with gloves? Enter the Frog Pokemon, Politoed. If, for some reason, you didn't want to evolve your Poliwhirl into a Poliwrath in order to boost stats and gain a type while still having a virtually identical Pokemon, Gold and Silver offered this alternative. Politoed adds nothing in battle, has no discernible advantages over its opposite evolutionary branch, and just looks goofy. It's belly swirl has mutated and it's grown a head and phalanges and other vestigial parts. Screw you, Politoed. Nobody wants a frog. Remember the Power Rangers movie? People greet frogs with disappointment. Everything its predecessors had going for them, Politoed threw away for boring scientific accuracy.

My thoughts on 2009, Part Three

Top 4 Most Disappointing Movies of 2009

4. X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Now, it's not like I ever expected a movie about the least-interesting, yet inexplicably popular X-men to be any good, but I had expected something more than this. This was such an empty, careless effort. The story is "Wolverine walks from fight scene to fight scene as decades pass with no consequence" and you can almost taste the apathy from everyone involved. It's like the writer, director and cast all suddenly realized that they were in a movie about Wolverine.

3. 9 - As my previous movie lists have established, small-budget movies make me drool. I wanted "9" to be good, but it isn't. It isn't bad. It isn't anything memorable or notable. It's a sequence of pretty cool action scenes and occasionally-beautiful animation with terrible dialogue and a story that starts nowhere, goes nowhere, and ends nowhere. I felt like I was watching a video game I couldn't play, but would have liked to.

It's 5:40 a.m., do you know who your favorite Pokemon is?

It is late, and I can't sleep because I woke up at 1:30 in the afternoon today, so I'm going to tell you who the best Pokemon are and why. Lucky you.

First, we need to establish when the best Pokemon are. Most anyone who grew up with the games will tell you that Generation 1 (Red, Blue and Yellow versions) and the original 151 monsters are the only ones worth discussing. They are wrong. I have no problem writing Gen 3 off, as most of its additions to the Pokemon World were trying too hard for their own damn good. Despite marked improvement, I can understand disregarding Gen 4 as well for not being part of the nostalgic early days. Still, it's obvious that Pokemon Gold and Silver just plain rocked.

Every bit as much a part of your childhood as Red or Blue.

Gold and Silver came around back when Pokemon was still cool for the first time, before semi-ironic nostalgia and Facebook events made it okay to like them again. The games were better than the first (and still are the best in the series, if you ask me), and the new Pokemon were almost all awesome. So awesome, in fact, that my top five list consists solely of monsters from Generation 2.

5. Ampharos

The Light Pokemon, better known as the Awesome Giraffesheep with a Lightbulb Tail Pokemon. I had one on my very first Gold team, and I remember it fondly. It's a good, reliable electric type with respectable stats and a good movepool, but more importantly it just plain looks cool. Somehow that thing evolves from a blue sheep. I don't even know what animal Ampharos is supposed to be, I just know I want to hug it.